Welcome to the LOUDEST DOT COM ON THE PLANET!
KNAC.COM News Reviews and More Watch The Latest Videos Buy KNAC T-shirts and More


Britny Fox Springhead Motorshark

By Jeff Kerby, Contributor
Monday, October 6, 2003 @ 12:41 AM


(Spitfire)

- advertisement -
Some things in this world just aren’t necessary—for example, peanut butter and jelly need never be packaged in the same jar, and J-Lo doesn’t exactly need a prosthetic ass any more than Barbara Striesand should desire a larger nose. That’s kind of the way it is with Britny Fox’s new album Springhead Motorshark. You see, rock needs this record about as much as Yngwie Malmsteen needs a key tar or Vince Neil needs another hooker. Can you imagine two rock fanatics at the local cd store going, “Geez, I’m not really interested in a new Guns N’ Roses disc—no, and forget any new Aerosmith that may come out. Nope, what I really want is for Britny Fox to come out with some original material. Shit, they were great!”

- advertisement -
Yeah… kiddies, in case you aren’t aware, this band had two marginal hits around 1990. One of them was a ditty entitled, “Girlschool” -- and it was really clever. It went something like, “At the girlschool, my baby broke all the rules.” I’m just guessing here, but it’s my take that the girl he was singing about was some sort of a whore and she probably smoked a lot, too. I’m sure that these are at least two of the reasons why she ended up in the girlschool in the first place. You know, this chick was basically just the type of boned-out, frizzle-haired, nicotine-smelling ho-ho who Britny Fox undoubtedly found to be the most willing groupies during their “prime.” The only problem is that these girls usually only exist in places like Tupelo and Milwaukee, so any other place they toured, the band was just shit out of luck. The other song they had which made even a minute impact on the airwaves was “Long Way To Love.” I’d quote you some lyrics to this one as well, but I don’t possess the desire or inclination to revisit that part of my brain where this useless bit of information doubtlessly resides. Both songs were delivered with the aneurysm-inducing growl of Dizzy Dean Davison. He was ok. He’s gone now, though. The band even went so far as to release a ‘greatest hits’ record in 2001—it should have been a maxi-single. Note to all old school metal bands possessing maybe one or two hits -- don’t release a “Best Of” compilation when the best parts of your career can be played in less than six minutes.

The group’s latest offering Springhead Motorshark consists of eleven of the most derivative, soulless expressions of personal banality ever preserved for perpetuity and intended for sale. This descent through hell starts with the appropriately titled introductory track, “Pain”.

Sample lyric:

“Debt blood and brick and boil
Slit out to fuck you Coil
Dilapidated tree
Your mash face monster color of me.”

Oh, fuck… are you kidding? No, wait! Hang on a minute—this may not simply be a bunch of nonsensical horseshit after all. Nope. Instead, maybe we’re supposed to look into the deeper meaning of the words and try to find our own personal truths. You know, like the “Coil” is really a piece of imagery regarding your grandma and the dilapidated tree represents injustice in the world. Unfortunately, the lyrics don’t get any clearer on the fourth song, “LA” where the singer waxes nostalgic about his past love while simultaneously declaring his affections for his partner:

“I remember a day
When lightening struck my heart
A second time
But those days are gone
And maybe I just don’t deserve
To sing along anymore.”

B-O-O H-O-O. I’m tearing up just thinking about the sentiment inherent in this song. It really takes me to a place, you know? Unfortunately, it’s a place where chimpanzees roast walnuts while playing the ukulele, but everybody’s got to be somewhere, I guess.

Musically, I realize that it’s an arduous task to accompany such lyrical genius with a suitable melody, but Britny Fox manages to create both basic constructs and instrumentation that would have sounded right at home in the AOR friendly recesses of the late ‘80s glam metal revolution—a revolution bands such as this one along with Steelheart, Danger Danger, Firehouse and Warrant helped kill with their milquetoast impersonations of those who simply did it better. I’m convinced that somewhere out in the Midwest or maybe even way down South, there is a mother of at least two illegitimate children who is waiting for her welfare check and who has now turned to a life of whoring and drug addiction simply because she just can’t face the fact that at some point in her confused life she went down on one or more of the members of this band. I imagine the secret beginning to torment her sometime around ‘92 and not relenting for any appreciable time since. The more I think about it, I actually can’t say that I blame her -- there just really isn’t any reason for that type of behavior. There really isn’t any need for this disc. Go back to sucking the crack pipe lady—it simply can’t get worse. Oh yeah, actually it can -- Steelheart, Danger Danger, Firehouse and Warrant could all release new albums -- I think I can hear the chimpanzees and the ukuleles even now.

*


Back to Top

 

 

 Recent Reviews
RHAPSODY OF FIRE Challenge The Wind
THE AMITY AFFLICTION, CURRENTS, DYING WISH, MUGSHOT In Boston, MA With Photos!
BLUE OYSTER CULT Ghost Stories
BLACK VEIL BRIDES In Houston, TX With Photos!
GATECREEPER Dark Superstition
AMON AMARTH, CANNIBAL CORPSE, OBITUARY, FROZEN SOUL In Portland, OR With Photos!
ULI JON ROTH In Ottawa, Canada
RAVEN, VICIOUS RUMORS, LUTHARO In Ottawa, Canada
BLIND GUARDIAN, NIGHT DEMON In Worcester, MA With Photos!
FIREWIND, EDGE OF PARADISE, IMMORTAL GUARDIAN In Houston, TX With Photos!
KERRY KING From Hell I Rise
DARKTHRONE It Beckons Us All
KAMELOT, HAMMERFALL, AD INFINITUM In Fort Worth, TX With Photos!
ASKING ALEXANDRIA, MEMPHIS MAY FIRE, THE WORD ALIVE, NERV In Salt Lake City, UT
ARTILLERY, VAPOR, POTENTIAL THREAT, INFRARED In Ottawa, Canada
BABYLON A.D. Rome Wasn't Built In A Day
ILLUSORY The Ivory Tower Reissue
GHOSTKID Hollywood Suicide
DAATH The Deceivers
ACCEPT Humanoid
BRUCE DICKINSON In Santa Ana, CA With Photos!
GREAT WHITE, SLAUGHTER, QUIET RIOT In Houston, TX With Photos!
STATIC-X, SEVENDUST, LINES OF LOYALTY In Salt Lake City, UT With Photos!
JUDAS PRIEST, SABATON In Youngstown, OH With Photos!
ROCK & BREWS Ridgefield, WA Grand Opening With Photos!
WIND ROSE, XANDRIA, LYCANTHRO In Ottawa, Canada
THE ROCK ORCHESTRA By Candlelight In Myrtle Beach, SC With Photos!
DEICIDE Banished By Sin
2024 MONSTERS OF ROCK CRUISE Recap With Photos!
LITA FORD In West Hollywood, CA With Photos!
BREAKING BENJAMIN, DAUGHTRY, CATCH YOUR BREATH In Idaho Falls, ID With Photos!
TYGERS OF PAN TANG Live Blood
FILTH Southern Hostility
NECROT Lifeless Birth



HOME | MAGAZINE | VIDS | STORE | HELP/POLICIES

©2024 KNAC.COM. All Rights Reserved.    Link to us    Advertise with us    Privacy policy
 Latest News